Bryan Johnson is Dying
Pallid mascot of Silicon Valley’s death panic gets a brutal reality check
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Bryan Johnson, the tech millionaire spending heavily in a quixotic effort to avoid death, has received yet another stark reminder of his terminal mortality.
Last week, Johnson announced he has been diagnosed with autoimmune gastritis, an incurable disease that causes the immune system to attack healthy stomach cells. “My stomach is eating itself,” he wrote.
Normally, such a diagnosis would be no laughing matter. But we can make an exception for Johnson, one of the more ridiculous characters to emerge during Silicon Valley’s pivot to AI psychosis. Johnson, who claims he will not die, has started a cult movement called Don’t Die, which is based on convincing gullible people that death is optional (and getting them to buy the health supplements Johnson sells).
In his supposed quest to overcome death, Johnson has:
-Injected the blood plasma of his teenage son
-Subjected his penis to shock therapy
-Swallowed 100 pills a day
-Baked in a 200 degree sauna while icing his testicles
-Taken massive doses of psychedelics
-Tweeted details about his girlfriend’s genitals
-Declared that mankind will use AI to create God
“We are creating God in the form of superintelligence,” Johnson told Bari Weiss in an interview. “If you just say: What have we imagined God to be? What are its characteristics? We are building God in the form of technology.”
Johnson has even announced the creation of his own Network State—with plans for a private country called Don’t Die. When asked to state his goals during a 2024 interview, Johnson said:
One is start a company. Two is start a country. Three is start a religion. Four: Don't Die. Five: Become God.
Unfortunately for Johnson, it appears God—or Nature—will have the last laugh. His diagnosis isn’t terminal, but it’s a reminder that he is mortal, and will remain so no matter how much Snake Oil he swallows or teenagers he drains. He will not be God, or even see God.
This may seem like an obvious and unnecessary point to make, but it’s crucial, because Johnson is not alone. The wealthiest men in the world are spending billions of dollars in an emergency quest for life extension. From a Wall Street Journal story headlined “The Billionaires Fueling the Quest for Longer Life”:
Silicon Valley giants Peter Thiel, Sam Altman, Yuri Milner and Marc Andreessen are among the boldface names behind the influx of money in the longevity industry. Thiel’s quest for longer life spans nearly a dozen companies—some of which were funded by his venture firm and others by a nonprofit foundation he backed—that raised more than $700 million, according to the Journal's analysis.
They and other wealthy investors have helped push what was once something of an academic backwater into the cultural mainstream. Many companies ultimately fail, but the ultrawealthy and other enthusiasts are following the money and the science to decide where to invest and what to take.
The billionaire quest for political power and the billionaire quest to defeat death are, I’d argue, the same project wearing two hats. Democracy is a limit on power. Mortality is a limit on power. Both projects are, at bottom, a tantrum against the words “limit” and “reality.”
So it’s pleasing to see Johnson—the pallid mascot of Silicon Valley’s panicky death fear—get such a brutal reality check. Too many media outlets have built up his legend, giving him the attention he so desperately craves. But the media builds you up to tear you down, and the walls are closing in on Johnson and his delicate flesh.
This all ends very badly for him. In fact, it ends in death. No amount of protein powders or magic mushrooms or crotch tortures will change this simple, incontrovertible fact—and neither will billions in venture capital spending.
Which brings me to the subject of my book: not just the quest to live forever, but the quest to rule forever that runs right alongside it.
The Nerd Reich: Silicon Valley Fascism and the War on Democracy is out soon. Early sales make a huge difference —click here to support local bookstores and this newsletter, or here for all other buying options.
Related:
Gil Duran
My Talk With Wajahat Ali
Earlier this week, I joined Wajahat Ali for a conversation about Elon Musk and other billionaire villains. We cover a lot of ground in this one. Click below to watch:
THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali and Gil Duran
